Legacy of the Akatsuki
by Whitewater Alchemist
Summary: Right after the Kyuubi is sealed, Madara takes Naru to train her. Several years later she's back in Konoha as a spy for the Akatsuki. Dark, powerful, female Naruto. Naru/Shika. Crack fic. Hiatus.
1. Madara's Easy Life

Author's note: Here we go, my second Naruto story is out. No OC in this one, at least I can't think of any right now. Enjoy.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Prologue: Madara's easy life.

Madara smiled under his mask. He sure had it easy in his life.

He had it easy when he created the Leaf Village alongside Hashirama Senju. The man was foolish, naïve, and trusting. He was the perfect partner for a manipulating schemer like Madara. The two had created Konoha together, and it seemed like the clan enmity was at an end.

He also had it easy obtaining the Mangekyo Sharingan. As the head of the Uchiha, it only made sense that he knew and had ties with everybody in the clan. He had chosen two lowly Chunin, then he and his younger brother had killed them and their eyes had since changed.

However, it was hard, emotionally at least, when he killed his brother and took his eyes in order to avoid going blind. He had the Sharingan, after all, and for a Sharingan wielder, going blind was the ultimate no-no. He cried over his brother's grave, he was human after all, but he never really regretted it. His eyes were worth more than that.

The last time he had it hard was when Hashirama fought him at the Valley of the End. Madara was unhappy about how the Senju clan looked down on the Uchiha, so he aspired to take over the village as the Shodaime. The two clan heads had taken their fight out of the village in order to avoid collateral damage. The waterfall where that damn Senju had beaten him now had statues of the fighters on both its sides in order to forever remind Konoha of what had happened there.

That was the last time he faced difficulty, though. He had taken to the shadows and faded into the background for a few decades, occasionally doing things in the Elemental Countries to make his life more interesting. The fondest memory he had of that was controlling the current Mizukage, Yagura. The man had no will of his own to begin with, so breaking his mind with the Sharingan had been no trouble.

Madara looked down at the bundle he had in his arms.

The easiest thing he'd ever done was just yesterday. After summoning the Kyuubi and making it attack Konoha, he had simply sat back and watched the carnage. He watched as the fox destroyed a large part of the village, he watched as the Yondaime Hokage stepped up to fight it, and he watched as the man sealed the demon in his own daughter. Madara grudgingly respected the blond Hokage. He was strong, stood by his beliefs, and gave his own life to save the village. Truly, he was the greatest Hokage in history. The easiest part was when, after the Namikaze's body fell off Gamabunta, Madara had simply walked up to the unguarded baby, picked it up, and walked away. It was laughable. Everyone was staring in horror at the dead leader on the ground. No one had noticed the man in an orange mask walk over and take the man's child with him. Konoha had become really pathetic since his time, and men like Minato were a rarity these days.

Madara gave his first warm smile in decades as he looked at the small girl he held.

He was going to discard the Moon's Eye Plan, at least for a while. Instead, he was going to screw with Konoha.

Madara chuckled. He really had an easy life.


	2. Life with S class Shinobi

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. Smiley face.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 1!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 1: Life with S-class Shinobi.

Naru smiled as she looked up at Pein's tower and the Akatsuki's main base. This place was home to her, it had been for the last five years. Ever since Madara-tousan had brought her here, she felt…happy. She had him to play around with, especially when he pretended to be Tobi. Then he acted all goofy and it made her laugh. She also had Nagato-niisan and Konan-neesan. The two had taken a liking to her immediately, Nagato even going so far as to always leave one of his Peins to watch her. She really liked the tricks and amazing things her neesan could make out of paper, too. Her room was full of paper decorations.

Naru's smile widened as she remembered her dad's recent promise. He had pulled her aside and told her he was going to start training her soon, which made her really excited. She always wanted to be a kunoichi, just like her neesan was. She thought Konan was awesome.

She even liked the town of Amegakure. The people here were nice, friendly, and kind to her. They often let her hang out with their own kids, and nobody held it against her that she was the jinchuriki for the Kyuubi no Kitsune. People here were smarter than anywhere else, Madara told her, since she knew that in Suna the Ichibi's jinchuriki was frequently targeted for assassination. Here, though, she was well liked and respected by the public for what she constantly held at bay. She was a bit saddened by the fact Madara wasn't her real dad, but he was the only dad she ever knew, so she quickly got over it.

_Flashback:_

_Madara crouched in front of a four-year-old Naru. "Naru, I need to tell you something. You weren't born here. I found you four years ago lying abandoned in Konoha."_

"_Found?" Naru repeated, confused._

_Madara nodded. "The village that day was attacked by the nine-tailed demon fox." He explained. "The Yondaime Hokage sealed it in you, his daughter, in order to protect the village."_

_Naru looked at him. "So, you're not my real daddy?"_

_Madara blinked. From what he told her, this was what she focused on?_

"_But then, you play with me and give me a home and ramen." Naru smiled. "You're more of a daddy than that other person was, tousan."_

_Madara smiled as well. It was just like the girl he saw as a daughter to ignore the biggest issue._

_Later that day, he had Pein announce Naru's burden to the public._

_End flashback._

Naru thought about the other three members of her tousan's group. Her 'uncle' Kakuzu, despite his greedy money-focused personality and his cold demeanor, was a nice enough person to her. He knew that because she was his Leader-sama's surrogate little sister, he couldn't hurt or kill her, so he did the next best thing. He befriended her.

Kisame was friendly and fun to hang around with. When they first met, she found his pointy teeth a bit creepy and she told him so, and he just laughed. He laughed even harder when she said his blue skin looked cool. They were good friends ever since.

Zetsu she didn't know much. The plant-man was gone most of the time for spying missions, where he was looking for potential new recruits for the Akatsuki. On the few occasions that she did meet him, the white Zetsu was nice to her, but the black Zetsu appeared hostile. She wasn't sure what to think of the man.

Naru was bursting with anticipation. Her dad was away on a mission and he had sent word that he was going to be back tomorrow. She couldn't wait.

* * *

Pein looked out through the window from the top floor of his tower, deep in thought. Madara had ordered him to make a statue that the tailed beasts could be sealed into. He also left specific instructions that the statue only accommodates eight beasts, since he had no wish to extract the Kyuubi and kill Naru.

Pein smiled. It seemed the man had grown attached to the little blond girl, and he couldn't blame him. He himself had grown to see the girl as his own little sister. Madara had designated little Naru to be the real leader of Akatsuki once she turned twelve, and Pein felt strangely ok with that. The girl had a good brain in that head of hers, he knew, and Madara had full intention of telling her everything about his plans when she was ready to lead.

Pein sighed and shook his head when he saw Samehada fly off somewhere far into the distance. Really, hadn't Kisame learned by now to avoid Konan when she was on her period?

Pein looked at his watch. Where the hell was that new recruit? What was his name again? Hulan, Hedon…? He snapped his fingers. Hidan. Yes, that was it. Hidan.

* * *

Hidan was smirking as he made his way to the tower. Some weird guy in an orange mask had shown up out of nowhere a week ago and convinced him to join some strange group called the Akatsuki.

_Flashback:_

"_Join the Akatsuki." The masked weirdo said. "If you do, you'll find plenty of victims to sacrifice to your god."_

_Behind his mask Madara sneered. Honestly, what fool believed in Jashin these days?_

"_Here's the location." Tobi said, handing the man a piece of paper with the information written on it. "Hope to see you there."_

"_Answer me!" The man yelled. "Who the hell are you?"_

_Tobi just smiled and vanished._

_Hidan sighed and looked at the paper. Amegakure. That was about a week away from where he was. He smiled and began walking._

_End flashback._

Hidan stopped smirking as he found the tower. Some brat was in front of the place, staring up at it.

"Hey." He called. "Get away from there. This place is for grown-ups only."

The girl eyed him with an _Are you dumb or something? _look and started walking in.

Hidan scowled. He was damned by Jashin if he was just going to let some kid ignore him like that. He strode forward, grabbed the girl sharply, and slung her over his shoulder.

"You wanna get in so bad?" He asked. "Well then, let me tell the people in there that you're trying to spy on them."

"Let me go!" the girl yelled, punching the man's back with small fists. "I'll tell my niisan about this, you meanie!"

Hidan just laughed. "Go right ahead."

* * *

Hidan smirked at the orange-haired man who introduced himself as the leader as he unceremoniously tossed the blond girl into the middle of the room. "I caught this brat trying to get in here." He announced.

The girl picked herself up, and ran over to Pein, crying.

"Niisan!" she exclaimed, much to Hidan's horror. "That meanie over there hurt me."

Hidan gulped as the four gathered members of the Akatsuki glared at him. (Madara and Zetsu weren't there.)

"So…" he said slowly, trying to survive. "Which one of you is my partner?"

Konan screamed and punched right through the man's chest.

"Oh, that reminds me." Pein said. "Konan, this guy is supposedly immortal, and no wound can kill him."

Konan smiled evilly as she used her knee and put it…somewhere that no man wants to get hit. "That's for hurting my sister."

"I'm sorry!" Hidan wailed. "I didn't know! Please don't hit there again."

_Several screams later:_

Hidan sighed in relief when Kakuzu finished sewing him back together. "So, you're my partner, huh?"

Kakuzu just sighed. _Why did I kill off the last one again? Oh, that's right…he owed me money._

Author's note: Well, there's the first chapter for you. And yes, at times this will look like a crack fic, which is why I categorized it as humor. I kinda see the Akatsuki as a dysfunctional extended family, so they will act like that at times.


	3. Recruiting a New Member

Author's note: Insert Smiley face here.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 2!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 2: Recruiting a new member.

Madara had gone through a difficult three years.

First he spent an entire year figuring out how to do his weird phasing in and out of reality trick without the Sharingan. He had found a way, but it took up twice as much chakra without the assistance of his doujutsu. After he finally got it to work, he taught it to Naru. It took her only two months to master it, as well as learn how to turn invisible at will. He supposed teaching her Kage Bunshin beforehand helped. The girl had inhuman chakra reserves, and even without the Kyuubi her chakra amounts were several times those of Kisame's.

The second year he spent mostly on training her in Taijutsu and Ninjutsu. Her huge amounts of chakra made it impossible for her to use Genjutsu, because those required extreme precision, which was hard for the girl. Madara had also ignored her wind affinity, choosing instead to focus on her second affinity, lightning, because he considered those jutsu to be more…well, he wasn't sure why he skipped wind jutsu training. Maybe he just didn't like wind.

The last, most recent year of training was mostly theoretical and personality-wise. Madara had shown Naru how to switch from playful and annoying to serious and calculating in the span of a second. Problem was, after he told her that Tobi was the fake in his case, she permanently turned cold and manipulative and her happy, childish side became the fake aspect of her character. He had also told her his plans regarding the eight tailed beasts and explained to her exactly what the Akatsuki was. To his surprise, she just took it in stride and asked when she could become a member.

* * *

Naru looked out into the rain-covered city as she thought about the recent additions to her dad's organization, in which she was now third-in-command, even though she wasn't a member yet.

Sasori was just weird. He acted like a complete maniac, and kept on insisting that art is eternal. How he managed to put that into conversations completely unrelated to art, she had no clue. Plus, he kept on walking around in what she called "the tailed beast box". Honestly, who'd want to sit in that thing all the time? Heck, he probably slept in it as well.

She liked Orochimaru, though. The man had a sadistic and cruel personality which really appealed to her. He had also let her watch his experiments, and she even helped him out on a few occasions. She could tell that the man respected her.

Naru sighed as Pein stuck his head in her room and told her she was wanted for a meeting in the main hall.

* * *

"I received a summons for assistance from an Uchiha." Madara announced to the gathered members. Hidan and Kakuzu were out. Probably shopping for ramen for Naru, he smirked. Hidan was scared of Naru ever since she learned how to phase.

The others looked at him. "And I assume you want to go help them out?" Pein asked.

"Them?" Madara repeated. "No, no, the person who contacted me said that Konoha's elders ordered him to exterminate the Uchiha clan."

Orochimaru looked at him with interest. "And which Uchiha is it?"

Madara shook his head. "That is confidential. You'll meet him once he joins the Akatsuki, which he already said he wants to do."

"Anyway, I have an idea." Madara continued. "I originally planned to go and help out myself, but…oh, Naru, here's your ramen." He said as Hidan and Kakuzu walked in with several shopping bags.

Hidan slumped in his chair. "What'd we miss?"

Madara shrugged. "Not telling. It's your fault for not being here."

"You…but…she…ramen…" Hidan stammered. "This is bullshit! You sent us out!"

Kakuzu glared at him. "Shut up or I'll kill you."

"Like you could pull it off." Hidan scoffed.

Naru scowled at the man. "Want me to try then?"

Hidan flinched and slid lower in his chair. "I'll be good."

"Anyway, I decided to send Naru here to help the guy out." Madara stated. "This will be a good field test for her. If she does well enough, I'll make her a member of this group." He turned to his adoptive daughter. "So, Naru, you up for this?"

Naru shrugged. "Sure."

* * *

"He sent a child?" Itachi asked in disbelief. "A freaking child?"

Naru glared at him. "To quote Kakuzu: shut up or I'll kill you."

Itachi ignored that. "Let me get this straight. Madara Uchiha, THE Madara Uchiha, co-founder of Konoha and the strongest person alive, sent an eight-year-old girl instead of coming himself? My opinion of the man just sank to zero."

Naru continued glaring at him. "You ready or not? I don't have all night."

Itachi sighed. "Fine, let's go."

* * *

Itachi looked at his partner as he killed another clansman, and saw her stick a kunai into a woman's chest. He watched as the woman fell to the ground, then noticed Naru stare at her first kill before shaking her head and chucking several shuriken at another man.

Itachi smiled to himself. _I guess Madara did train her well.

* * *

_

Itachi and Naru stood over the bodies of Itachi's parents.

Naru frowned, tired. "So is this everybody?"

Itachi sighed. "There's one left."

"Who is it?" Naru asked curiously.

"My brother." Itachi stated. "He didn't know about the planned uprising, so he's innocent."

On cue, Sasuke came rushing into the room, then froze as he saw his brother's figure in the shadow.

"Niisan?" Sasuke asked, scared. "What happened?"

Naru spoke up from the shadow concealing her. "Should I kill him?" Sasuke flinched.

"No, Naru." Itachi shook his head. "I'll deal with this."

* * *

After the Tsukuyomi, Sasuke collapsed. The last thought going through his head was revenge. _Itachi…mysterious Naru person…I will kill you both…and I'll have my revenge…ha ha ha Ha HA…oh wait, I'm fainting…crap._

Naru slapped Itachi upside his head. "Idiot. Why'd you use my name in front of him?"

Itachi frowned, that was indeed a stupid mistake.

"Come on, Itachi-baka." Naru sighed. "Let's go report back to base."

Author's note: Ah, the Uchiha Massacre told from the flip side. Sure was refreshing.


	4. The Spy in the Leaf

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. Smiley face.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 3!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said. I own an iPod, but I don't own the rights to them. Apple has those.

Chapter 3: The Spy in the Leaf.

Naru sighed and slammed her head on the desk, causing the other Akatsuki members to turn and stare at her. Honestly, the Ghost of Amegakure, as the general public called her because of her abilities, was sick of those meetings. It was the third one this week, dammit. And it was still Monday. What gives?

The upside was she got 'promoted'. She was now an official member of the Akatsuki, although she didn't have a ring like the others, and was second in command with only Madara above her. The training she got from him also earned her S-rank status, but no one outside the group knew about that.

"Orochimaru has fled after a failed attempt to take over Itachi's body." Pein announced. "I called you all here to decide on what to do with him."

"Blow him up."

Pein sighed. "I told you, Deidara, explosions aren't the answer to everything. Now, are there any ideas on how to deal with the renegade?"

"Blow him up."

Pein frowned. "Any ideas that don't involve clay or mushroom clouds?"

Naru spoke up. "I spoke with Orochimaru right before he left. He gave me his ring to return to Pein. He's one S-rank Shinobi, we have ten. I don't think he'll give us trouble. Besides, I like Orochimaru." Naru glared at Itachi, who wanted to say something. "So, I suggest that we…"

"Blow him up?"

Naru sighed. She really hated those meetings.

"No, I say we let him be."

Madara nodded. "Orochimaru isn't a threat and he actually solved a problem for us. Naru, you can keep Orochimaru's ring. It's yours now."

* * *

Naru groaned as she looked around the table. "Another meeting?"

Pein spoke up. "Naru, you have your ring now, so I should tell you how it works. It…"

"Blows you up."

Naru sighed, grabbed Deidara by his cloak, and dragged him unceremoniously out of the room. She came back several minutes later with speakers and her iPod, and set those down in Deidara's vacant seat. Pein raised an eyebrow, while Madara smirked under his mask. He knew what she was planning.

"Now, where were we?" Naru asked, sitting down. "Oh yeah, the ring. Pein, I already know how it works. Tousan explained it to me."

Pein nodded. "Also, because Orochimaru left, Sasori is now partnered with…" he frowned at the technology in Deidara's chair. "I was going to say this piece of machinery, but I think a living partner like Deidara will suit Sasori better. As for you, Naru, you will be partnered with Konan."

The two kunoichi smiled at each other.

Pein continued talking. "And it just so happens that we have a mission for you two already. Naru, Konan, you two will go to Konoha and…" Naru pressed a button on her iPod remote.

"Blow it up." Came from the speaker. The Akatsuki members, except Tobi, stared at Naru weirdly.

Naru shrugged. "What? This way, Deidara still participates in the debate, and he's expendable in this state. If I get annoyed, I can destroy it and no one will care."

"No one will care if you kill the real thing." Kakuzu muttered, but no one heard him.

Pein cleared his throat. "Anyway, this assignment was suggested by Sasori and Itachi. Sasori says that his spy network in Konoha is very weak and stretched thin, so you two will go there for several years and help gather intel. Also, Naru will enter their Academy as part of her cover, where Itachi wants her to…"

"Blow him up." The speaker chimed in.

Naru scowled, concentrated lightning in her hand, and sent a bolt of electricity at the device, (ironically) blowing it up.

"What?" Naru demanded of the others. "I got annoyed already."

Tobi cheered. "Tobi wants a tape of Deidara too."

"NO!" all the others yelled in unison.

Tobi's head dropped. "But…Tobi is a good boy."

Pein resumed speaking. "Moving right along... Itachi wants you to keep an eye on his brother. Do you accept the mission?"

Konan shrugged. "Sure, as long as Jiraiya-sensei isn't in Konoha.

"Kabuto Yakushi has informed me that the man is out of the village." Sasori announced.

Konan and Naru smiled at each other. "Alright, we'll do it."

"You'll need a name for this." Pein informed them.

"Hmmm…" Naru thought for a moment, then smirked. "My niisan's name is Uzumaki, so I'll use that. Naru Uzumaki…I like it."

* * *

"Class, we have a new student." Iruka announced, causing the kids to perk up. "Her name is Naru Uzumaki."

Sasuke looked up and stared at the blond girl, who just walked into the room. She looked around and smirked when she noticed Sasuke. Shikamaru, seeing this, sighed. _Troublesome. Not a minute and she already made enemies with all the girls here. Why does this happen to me?_

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the girl, who sat down next to the lazy Nara. _Naru? Could she be the person who helped Itachi? Impossible, she's only eight, there's no way she could kill even one of our elite clan. Still, there's something not right about her…_

Sasuke decided to find out more about her later. After all, he wasted all the non-brooding time he planned for today. Shaking his head, he went back to daydreams that showed him standing over Itachi's corpse and yelling "The power is mine!"

The girls all sighed dreamily when Sasuke got a smirk on his face.

Shikamaru slumped in his seat. _Even more troublesome._

Author's note: Life at the Academy begins. Next up…graduation exam and team sorting.


	5. Graduation and Team Assignment

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. Smiley face.

AkashXD: Shikamaru would probably find any relationship troublesome. I'm sorry, but pairings have been already decided and they will stay that way. Besides, the pairing will cause major events to happen later on.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 4!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 4: Graduation and Team Assignment.

Naru glanced back in terror at her pursuer as she ran through the streets of Konoha. A cart vendor gaped as she simply phased through his cart without stopping or slowing down.

"Help me!" the horrified girl yelled.

"YOSH! The flames of youth burn brightly in you. You are the fastest runner besides Gai-sensei I have ever seen." Lee shouted after her.

Naru glanced back at him again, then crashed into someone and fell backwards. She looked up at the figure apologetically and her eyes widened.

"Neesan!" Naru wailed. "SAVE ME!"

Konan appeared in a swirl of paper, looked left at a rapidly approaching Genin wearing green spandex, looked right at an adult clone of said Genin, and shivered. She quickly grabbed Naru and the two disappeared among sheets of paper.

Gai stared in surprise, then shook his head and grinned.

"The flames of youth are huge in those two. I shall find them and ask them for a spar!"

Lee perked up. "And I shall go too!"

"YOSH! And if I can't defeat them in the spar, I shall run around Konoha on my hands 200 times!"

"YOSH!" And if you fail to do that, I shall do one thousand push-ups!"

"LEE!" Gai exclaimed, hugging his student.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

The onlookers nearby all received severe mental trauma when a sunset and waves hitting a sand shore appeared behind the two freaks.

* * *

Naru was still shaking when she sat down to her best friend of four years, Shikamaru Nara.

Said Nara looked at her and sighed. "Troublesome. What happened to you?"

Naru curled up into a fetal position and looked at him in fear. "Green…eyebrows…spandex…youth…running…phased through cart…bowl cut…youth…Mummy, I don't wanna die…"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, but refrained from saying anything.

Iruka walked in. "Okay, me and the other teachers have gone over your performances over the last four years. If you would all settle down, I will announce the results."

The students all fell silent. Iruka cleared his throat.

"Okay, for academic work, third is Ino Yamanaka, second is Sakura Haruno, and first is Sasuke Uchiha. For Taijutsu, third is Kiba Inuzuka, second is Sasuke Uchiha, and first is Naru Uzumaki. For Ninjutsu, third is Kiba Inuzuka, second is Sasuke Uchiha, and first is Naru Uzumaki. And for weapon handling, third is Choji Akimichi, second is Naru Uzumaki, and first is Sasuke Uchiha. The Rookie of the Year is…"

The girls all looked at Sasuke. Said Uchiha smirked.

"Naru Uzumaki." Iruka finished.

Sasuke jumped up. "What? How is that clanless girl better than me?"

Iruka glared at the Uchiha. "Sit down and shut up, Sasuke."

Sasuke scowled and slumped down in his seat, glaring at Naru.

"Now I will divide all of you into teams, as ordered by the Hokage." Iruka said. "Team 1…nobody cares…Team 2…names of students are unknown…Team 3…would get wiped out chasing Tora…Team 4…didn't even show up today…Team 5…Jonin-sensei committed suicide upon finding out members…Team 6…current location unknown…Team 7." Iruka frowned.

"Team 7 will be Naru Uzumaki, Shikamaru Nara, and Sasuke Uchiha. Your instructor is Asuma Sarutobi."

Iruka continued on. "Team 8 will be Choji Akimichi, Kiba Inuzuka, and Sakura Haruno. Your teacher is Kurenai Yuhi."

"Team 9 is still in circulation. Team 10 will be Ino Yamanaka, Shino Aburame, and Hinata Hyuuga under Kakashi Hatake."

Naru frowned. "Iruka-sensei, aren't teams usually made to specialize in something?"

Iruka shook his head. "Not this time. The Hokage threw all rules out the window and assigned you into teams completely randomly." Iruka chuckled. "It is my belief that he was drunk at the time."

The entire class sweatdropped.

* * *

Sasuke glared at Naru. _How can she be better than me? I need that power to defeat Itachi._

He walked up to Naru. "Oi, dobe, teach me that phasing trick." He demanded.

Naru looked at him. "Why should I teach you anything?"

"Troublesome." Shikamaru added. Sasuke glared at him.

"Go back to sleep, Nara." He ordered. "I need to talk to your dobe of a girlfriend."

Naru sputtered at that. Shikamaru sighed and laid down again. Nobody noticed the slight blush he had on his face.

"Teach me." Sasuke said.

Naru smirked and crossed her arms. "First off, if I'm the dobe, what does that make you? Second, give me a good reason why I should teach you anything."

Sasuke scowled and made to punch her.

"Shinra Tensei." Naru said calmly. Sasuke flew back, pushed by an invisible force.

Shikamaru stared at her violet ring-rimmed eyes. "How do you keep doing that?"

Naru smiled innocently. "Doing what?"

"You keep on getting the Rin'negan. Your other self in that other story has it too." Shikamaru explained.

"I guess Cole Martin likes the idea." Naru shrugged.

Asuma chose that moment to stick his head into the room. "You guys know you're breaking the fourth wall, right?"

Naru looked at him in fear.

"Anyway, my first impression of you three is…you suck." Asuma announced. "Meet me on the roof in five minutes."

* * *

"State your name, likes, dislikes, and dreams for the future." Asuma said and pointed at Shikamaru. "You, pineapple head, you go first."

Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome. I'm Shikamaru Nara. I like my friend Naru, napping, and cloud watching. I dislike troublesome things. My dream is to be an average Shinobi and to not have to do anything troublesome.

Asuma jerked his thumb at Sasuke. "Emo-prick, you're up.

Sasuke scowled. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. I don't like much, and there are several things I dislike. My dream…I'd call it an ambition, to restore the Uchiha clan and to kill a certain man."

Asuma motioned to Naru. "Fancy-eyes, go."

Naru glared at him. "I'm Naru Uzumaki. I like ramen, my kick-ass Rin'negan, my dad, niisan, neesan, and Shika here. I dislike arrogant bastards and pathetic fangirls. My dream is to get married and start a normal family.

Asuma smiled. "My turn. I'm Asuma Sarutobi…yeah. That's all you need to know."

Asuma took a drag of his cigarette. "Anyway, tomorrow I'll test you and see if you can become Genin. Be here at 7 A.M. and don't eat anything."

Asuma chuckled. "See ya." And he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

Author's note: Next up: Genin Test and (maybe) Tazuna.


	6. The Genin Test

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. Smiley face.

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 5!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 5: The Genin Test.

Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome."

Naru glared at him. "Would you stop saying that? Nothing's happening; we're just sitting here and not doing shit. How is that possibly troublesome?"

"It's troublesome because Sensei isn't here yet."

As if on cue, Asuma appeared. "Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late; I got lost on the road of life."

Naru sighed. "Nice try, Kakashi."

A puff of smoke surrounded Asuma, and when it cleared, the porn-reading Jonin stood there instead.

"Aw, you're no fun." Kakashi pouted. "I wanted to fool you for a few hours and avoid my team."

"What's so bad about your team?" Sasuke inquired.

"Ino."

The three almost-Genin and Asuma "awww"ed in understanding.

Kakashi blinked in surprise. "Asuma? What are you doing here?"

The bearded man sighed. "This is my team, you know. Now go do some teaching before I tell Dad to ban Icha-Icha."

"You wouldn't have the guts."

"Hello, operator? Hokage's office, please."

"All right, I'm going." Kakashi sighed.

Asuma smirked and put his cell phone away. "Have fun."

* * *

Asuma chuckled nervously. "Um…yeah. About the bell test... I lost the bells, so we'll do something different."

Asuma held up his pack of cigarettes. "If you manage to take these from me, you pass." He looked at Sasuke and Shikamaru in surprise. "Where's Naru?"

A giggle came from right in front of him, before something yanked the smokes out of his hand and they floated away. Asuma gaped as Naru reappeared several meters away holding them.

"But…you…I…how?" Asuma blinked before realizing something. "That doesn't count. I didn't say you could begin yet."

Naru smirked. "Too bad." And she crushed the pack in her fist.

Asuma dropped to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Troublesome."

Naru sweatdropped at her sensei. "I'll buy you a new pack if you let us pass."

Asuma jumped up. "Deal! You three pass!"

He then grabbed Naru by her shoulders and started shaking her. "Smoke! I need…must have…my sticks…smoke…must have them…"

"Okay…" Naru muttered nervously. "Let's go to the closest store and get you your cancer sticks."

Asuma smiled and followed her, nodding obediently.

Shikamaru sighed. "Troublesome."

"Oh, and Shika?" Naru called. "You're taking me out on a date at 7 this evening."

Shikamaru stiffened and fell off the bridge railing he was sitting on.

Sasuke watched as his teammate floated away. He sighed to himself. "What did I ever do to end up on this team?"

* * *

Sasuke smirked. "So how was your date?"

"Troublesome."

Naru elaborated. "It was awesome. He took me cloud-watching."

"How is that in any way awesome?"

"He actually took me somewhere. Plus the clouds looked so pretty at night."

"Oh."

"Troublesome."

Naru sighed. "Oh, Shika. You're even worse than Deidara and his 'blow it up' crap."

Shikamaru looked at her. "You do know that at this point in the story, we don't know you're in the Akatsuki. Besides, after the iPod incident, he changed his phrase to 'art is a blast', remember?"

Asuma stuck his head in the room. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Breaking the fourth wall."

"Oh…well, crap."

Asuma took a drag of his newly-reacquired cigarette. "Anyway, we have another mission to do. Come on, team."

* * *

"Shadow-ass in position."

"Emo-douche in position."

"Kick-ass Rin'negan in position."

"Chain smoker in position." Asuma announced. "Naru, you are never picking code names again."

"Awwww."

"I second that, Chain-smoker." Emo-douche said over the headset.

"Troublesome. Let's just catch this thing already. Shadow mimic…hold on…shadow poss…wait, no…shadow sewing…that's not it. Screw the English dub! Kagemane no Jutsu!"

Asuma smiled in relief. "Objective: Capture Tora – complete."

* * *

"Congratulations on another successful D-rank, Team 7." The Hokage said. "Your next mission is…"he trailed off when Tora's owner set the cat down and it ran off. She smiled after it for about two minutes, then approached the Sandaime.

"I need you to retrieve my Tora-chan again."

"NO!" Sasuke yelled. Everybody turned to him. "Forget it, lady. You're torturing us on purpose. We're not gonna chase your damn cat anymore!"

Naru glared at the Uchiha. "I really want to kill him."

Shikamaru stepped up next to her. "Why don't you? Given what Kishimoto does with Sasuke in canon Naruto, you'd save everyone a lot of hassle if you get rid of him now."

"Fourth wall." Asuma reminded them in a sing-song voice.

"Shutting up now."

Kurenai walked in, followed by Kiba, Choji, and Sakura. "Team 8 reporting for their daily mission."

Sakura immediately latched on to Sasuke. "Oh, Sasuke-kun, I missed you."

Kurenai scowled. "Sakura! Over here! Now!"

Sakura bowed her head and moved back behind Kurenai.

"You know I don't approve of fangirlism." The Genjutsu mistress admonished her student.

Sakura sighed. "Yes, sensei."

_Flashback:_

_Kurenai sat opposite her three students. "State your name, likes, dislikes, and goals. I'll go first. I'm Kurenai Yuhi, I like creating illusions, I dislike fangirls, and my goal is to kill all the fangirls in the world." Kurenai started laughing maniacally, then quickly turned serious again. "Pinky, you're up."_

"_My name's Sakura Haruno. I like… (blushes)…my goals are… (blushes harder)…Sasuke-kun…"_

_Kurenai frowned. "Victim number one."_

_End flashback._

The Hokage looked at the two teams and smiled. "I have an idea. Both Team 7 and Team 8 have done well on their missions so far. I propose a joint C-rank escort missions to the Land of Waves. Send the client in."

The door opened to reveal…the lady with the cat.

"Move, woman." A voice came from behind her. "You're blocking the damn doorway."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Yes."

"Sigh…Sorry." The woman grimaced and moved out of the way.

An old drunk stumbled into the room and looked around, clearly unimpressed. "Please tell me the old geezer in the weird hat isn't my escort."

"That's the Hokage."

"Oh."

"Your escort is the smoker, the woman, and the six kids."

"I want the old guy."

"Too bad, you're getting the children."

"Fine, we'll escort you." Kurenai sighed. "If nothing else, I'll protect you if something comes up.

Sakura watched as her sensei left. When the woman's shadow disappeared, she immediately turned to Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun, would you…"

"I heard that." Came from outside the room.

Sakura sat down and started crying.

Tazuna sweatdropped. "I am so dead."


	7. The Wave Mission

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. (Smiley face).

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 6!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 6: The Wave Mission.

The party of eight plus Tazuna was enjoying a leisurely stroll through the woods of Hi no Kuni.

"We're supposed to go as fast as possible." Tazuna complained. "We need to hurry back to the bridge."

A white-haired Senju girl appeared suddenly next to them.

Naru raised an eyebrow. "Kasumi? What are you doing here?"

The newly identified girl shrugged. "Cameo appearance. Took a break from Cole's other story."

Kurenai looked at her. "Is that even possible?"

"Apparently."

"Kasumi?" Asuma asked.

"Yeah?"

"Get the hell back in your own fanfic."

"But I…"

"NOW!"

Kasumi scowled. "You guys are no fun. Fine, I'm going." And she disappeared.

Asuma sighed as they passed a puddle. "What's with all those kids breaking the fourth wall all the time?"

Nobody answered. They were too busy watching Kurenai get torn to shreds by a chain held by two Mist-nins.

"One down!" one of them announced. Then they wrapped the chain around Naru.

"Two down." And they pulled. Nothing happened. The chain just fell to the ground.

The Demon brothers just stared at it. "What happened?"

One of them recovered his senses. "Let's try again."

"Um, let's see…loop around here…tighten here…hold this." He handed Naru part of the chain. "Now we coil around here…and done. Ok, pull!"

Naru simply phased out again and the chain fell to the ground.

"Dammit." The other brother cursed. "Try again."

* * *

"It's been half an hour." One of the Demon brothers panted. "I can't do this anymore."

Naru just sighed. "You know, there are seven targets other than me. Try one of them."

The two Mist-nins looked at each other. "Quite right. Thanks, girlie."

They held up the chain and glared at Kiba. "Ready, set…"

They collapsed, dead, after Asuma finally acted and stabbed them both with his trench knives.

"Troublesome." Shikamaru yawned. "Kurenai-sensei, you can come back now."

Silence.

"Kurenai-sensei?"

They got rewarded with a yawn.

"What?" Kurenai looked sleepily down at them from a tree. "They took too long. I fell asleep."

The entire group face-faulted.

* * *

Naru frowned and chucked a kunai into the nearby bushes. The group tensed when they heard a squeal. Naru peered into the bushes and reached out for something.

"Oh, look." She said, holding up the kunai with a dead rabbit on it. "It's a rabbit."

Asuma didn't manage to comment before a strange person jumped from the trees.

"You killed Mr. Fuzzy-ears!" the transvestite yelled, charging at Naru. "DIE!"

The group watched in fascination as Naru phased through all the punches, kicks, and senbon needles thrown her way.

"Dammit, Haku!" Zabuza exclaimed, jumping out from…somewhere. "I told you to stay hidden!"

"She killed Mr. Fuzzy-ears!" Haku wailed.

"I don't care! You disobeyed my orders. I have no use for you if you're going to overreact all the time."

Haku sighed and jumped back to Zabuza, blinking back tears. "I'm sorry, Zabuza-sama."

Zabuza ignored her, staring instead at Asuma, Kurenai and Naru. "I think I know you three. Hold on." He pulled out a book and started flipping through the pages. The title of the book said "Konoha Shinobi Identifying for Dummies."

"Let's see, let's see…ah, here's one. Asuma Sarutobi." Zabuza read out loud. "A-rank, Jonin, son of the Sandaime Hokage, ex-guardian of the Fire Temple. Affinity: wind. Has perverted fantasies about Kurenai Yuhi (page 37)."

Kurenai glared at Asuma, who chuckled nervously. Zabuza flipped to page 37.

"Kurenai Yuhi. Huh, this is old." Zabuza looked up. "Still says you're a Chunin. I need the new edition. Anyway, specializes in Genjutsu, hates fangirls with a passion, and is known for unexplainable red eyes."

Zabuza then looked at Naru. "And your name is?"

"Naru Uzumaki."

Zabuza flipped through the pages. "Uzumaki…Uzumaki…found you. Wait…what the hell? Refer to the Amegakure Shinobi Guide?"

Everyone around looked at Naru in surprise. Zabuza tossed his book away and took out another one.

"Ok, let's see…Uzumaki…ah, here." Zabuza's eyes widened as he read the entry. "Naru Uzumaki, known also as the Ghost of Amegakure on account of her ability to become invisible or intangible. Youngest person ever to reach S-rank status, being 8 years old at the time. Possesses the strongest bloodline known to man, the Rin'negan. With the ability to phase and avoid physical and elemental attacks, and the unexplained immunity to Genjutsu and poisons, Naru Uzumaki is virtually invincible."

He noticed Asuma stare in shock at his student. "What? You didn't know you had the Ghost of Amegakure on your team?"

Various thoughts were created as the group stared at Naru, with most of them even being voiced.

"Holy shit, I have the coolest Genin ever on my team. Wait, how are you still a Genin?"

"Wow, that is so kick-ass." "Woof!"

"Munch…awesome…munch."

"She…she is actually stronger than Sasuke-kun."

"Sakura, drop and give me fifty."

"Troublesome. Cool, though."

_She is even stronger than Itachi. If I can get her to teach me, I will be able to kill him._

_Mr. Fuzzy-ears, you WILL be avenged._

Zabuza sighed. "We were gonna fight, threaten the bridge builder, and all that, but…I don't wanna die." Zabuza started running away. "Haku, we're leaving. I am not suicidal."

"No."

Zabuza skidded to a halt.

"What did you say?"

"No."

"But…why?"

"She killed Mr. Fuzzy-ears."

"Are you still on about that?"

"Yes."

"Fine…we'll fight them in a week, how's that sound?"

"Why in a week?"

"I need to write my will."

"Ah…ok then."

Haku glared at Naru. "In one week, I will kill you and send you to hell. It's what you deserve for killing Mr. Fuzzy-ears."

Naru smiled and waved after the two leaving figures. "See you in a week, Haku-chan."

"I AM A BOY!"

"Doubt it."

"Zabuza-sama!"

Naru turned back to the group. "So, Shika, how's about another date before they come back?"

Shikamaru sweatdropped. "Troublesome."


	8. Back to Konoha

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. (Smiley face).

Reaper16619: Thanks for the recognition. No, I was not high, I was just bored, so I decided to update.

korrd: LOL, thanks.

Sable: Thank you. Even I think the story is odd, and I'm the one writing it. As for the amusing part, I should hope so. After all, this story IS categorized as "Humor".

.Insanity: You are quite obviously confused, so I'll explain. Shika knowing about Naru's involvement in Akatsuki was meant to be a joke, sorry if you didn't get it. The fourth wall is the division between fiction and reality, so when the characters break the fourth wall, it means that they know they are fictional. Kasumi is my main OC from my other Naruto story, really thought that one was obvious. As for Naru being dark, that part will come real soon.

Celestial Flower: I don't know, does one month count as "soon"?

Edwardphan4ever: Thank you, that's my favorite type of review. Short and pleasant.

Thanks to you all for reviewing!

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 7!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Enough said.

Chapter 7: Back to Konoha.

Shikamaru watched Naru silently as the group walked back to Konoha. Said girl was laughing at something Kurenai said.

"So true, sensei." Naru chuckled. "We actually are ahead of Cole's other story in terms of canon events. We finished the wave mission, while the guys in there are still doing it. I am so rubbing it in Kasumi's face when I see her again."

Sakura walked up to Asuma. "Sensei, she's breaking the fourth wall again.

Asuma sighed. "I don't care anymore. I. Just. Don't. Care."

Shikamaru sweatdropped. "Troublesome."

At that moment, Choji realized something. "Hey, what happened to Zabuza and Haku anyway? For that matter, what happened to Gato and the bridge builder?"

Naru laughed again and turned to him. "Gato's dead. Tsunami shot him. With a crossbow." Short pause. "Specifically this crossbow."

"And…why exactly do you have that crossbow?"

"I've been shooting squirrels as we walked."

"…"

"Tazuna's ok. He finished the bridge and then the villagers named it. It's called the Great Deidara Bridge."

"WTF?" came the collective response.

Naru shrugged. "Anyway, Zabuza and Haku are dead. I killed them on the day Haku wanted to fight."

"So you killed them…off-screen?"

"Yup."

"You ARE cruel."

"Thank you."

* * *

"Dad."

Silence.

"Dad!"

Nothing.

"DAD!"

The Hokage looked up from his orange book. "Yes, Asuma? What is it?"

"We're back from Wave." Asuma stated, indicating the six Genin and Kurenai.

"Ah yes. How'd it go?"

"We won."

"What?"

"I mean…we escorted the guy, and spent some time there while he finished the bridge. Gato, Zabuza, and Haku are dead."

"I see. Who killed them?"

"Naru."

The Hokage looked over to the girl. "Congratulations, Naru. I'm hereby giving you a field promotion to Jonin."

They stared at him in surprise. "You can do that? Bypass Chunin, I mean?" Kurenai asked.

"Apparently."

The Hokage watched as Naru put the Jonin vest on. "Now, Naru, I have your first assignment. I am reorganizing the teams, since I am no longer drunk. Team 7 will be Sasuke, Sakura, and some dude called Sai, under Jonin Naru Uzumaki. That's you."

Naru glared at her two present students. Sasuke smirked. _Now she has to teach me something._

The Hokage continued. "Kurenai will get Hinata, Kiba, and Shino."

"Oh, great. Stalker, dog, and bugs."

Sarutobi continued. "Asuma will get Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru."

"So you're canonizing the teams?"

"What?"

"You're making the teams almost the same as in canon."

"That's not what canonized means. Look it up."

Naru scowled. "Ok, team banshee and emo, follow me."

Sasuke and Sakura followed, but their minds were elsewhere.

_She called Sasuke-kun emo. I shall beat her up for that insult._

_Wow, she knows of my mental condition._

* * *

_Team 7 training ground:_

Naru frowned. "Now that Sai's here, let's do the lame introductions thing again. Also, not a word about my new Amegakure forehead protector."

Naru pointed to Sakura. "Bitch, you're up."

Sakura clenched her teeth. "I'm Sakura Haruno. I like Sasuke-kun, SASUKE-KUN, and _Sasuke-kun._"

"You have issues, girl. Keep going."

"I hate sens…um, I mean people who dislike Sasuke-kun, and my dream is to marry Sasuke-kun."

"If you say "Sasuke-kun" in my presence one more time, I'll kill you."

Naru turned to Sasuke. "Go."

Sasuke smiled (genuinely). "My name's Sasuke Uchiha. I like training, learning new jutsu, and people who accept my condition, I dislike traitors and fangirls, and my dream/ambition is to get stronger, which now appears very possible, and to kill my brother Itachi."

"And what's your condition?"

"You already know, sensei. I'm emo."

"WHAT?"

"Sigh…Sakura, how could you NOT know? Look at me: dark clothes, dark hair, dark eyes, dark personality, dark mood…how could I not be emo?"

Naru sighed. "Ok, third person."

Sai smiled fakely (AN: it's a word now). "Thanks, dickless."

Naru cut him off. "Wait, wait, wait. Dickless?" She then took off her pants and looked in her panties, much to Sakura's horror, Sasuke's amusement, and Sai's interest.

After a moment, Naru straightened up and dressed herself. "Had to check, sorry. Seeing as I'm a girl, something would be wrong if I _wasn't_ dickless. Continue."

"I'm Sai. I like drawing and training. I don't like pink hair, fangirls, or overly loud people."

"So you hate Sakura then?"

"Exactly. My dream for the future…is to get laid."

"Makes sense."

Naru stood up. "I'm Naru Uzumaki. I like ramen, my friends from Amegakure, and Shikamaru Nara. I dislike biased idiots and human stupidity. My dream is…" She blushed. "I also want to get laid." She pointed at Sai. "Who knows, it might be with you some day."

Naru then turned serious. "Ok, team, meet me here tomorrow at ten. We'll have a test to see how well you can work together. Dismissed."


	9. Chunin Exams

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. (Smiley face).

Aiseki0Hikari: Thanks, glad to amuse :) I don't sleep much and I hate school too. Kindred spirits rule!

Edwardphan4ever: LOL, thank you!

Thanks to you all for reviewing!

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 8!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Oh well.

Chapter 8: Chunin exams!

_Next day:_

Naru looked up when her students approached her. She frowned at Sakura, 'Hn'ed at Sasuke, and smiled at Sai.

Sasuke looked at her, visibly impressed. "You speak emo?"

Naru smiled at him. "Learned it when I was nine. My family thought it might come in handy someday."

She laughed mentally. _Tousan made sure I know how to speak emo when he sent me on this assignment. Speaking of which, isn't the Akatsuki mine now? Oh well, Nagato-niisan and Tousan can rule it for a while longer._

Sakura brought her out of her musings. "So what did Sasuke-kun say?"

_Flashback:_

_"If you say "Sasuke-kun" in my presence one more time, I'll kill you."_

_End flashback._

Naru scowled. "You wanna rephrase that?"

Thankfully, at that moment Sai intervened. "If I call you dickless, will you look in your panties again?"

"No."

"Dammit."

"Anyway, we were supposed to do a teamwork test today, but I don't feel like it, so here goes. Sai, do you think you can work with Sasuke?"

"Yes."

"Sasuke, do you think you can work with Sai?"

"Hn." (Yes.)

"Great. Sakura, do you think you can do something? Anything at all?"

Silence.

"Sakura?"

More silence.

Naru sweatdropped. "Okay. Here are your forms for the Chunin exams. Fill them out and hand them to the Hokage tomorrow."

Naru bit her thumb and summoned a hawk.

"Yes, Lady Ghost?"

"Tell Pein that he can rule the Akatsuki for a while longer."

"Yes, Lady Ghost." And the hawk flew off.

Naru frowned at her students' faces. "Oh, crap. I could have waited until you left, couldn't I?"

Sasuke smirked. "Hn." (We don't care that you're in the Akatsuki.)

"Really?"

"Hn." (Yeah, they don't want the Kyuubi so they're not a threat to Konoha.)

"Good point. Thanks, Sasuke."

"Hn." (Don't mention it.)

"YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL AGAIN!"

"YOU DON'T TEACH US ANYMORE! STAY OUT OF THIS!"

An angry grumble could be heard.

"Ok. Go enter the Chunin exams. Have fun, I hear torture is the main theme this time."

"Hn." (That's just great.)

"I know, right?"

_Konoha Academy, second floor:_

Sasuke looked around. "Hn." (Looks like we're the first ones here.)

"Yep."

"Hn?" (Naru-sensei? What are you doing here?)

"I was bored. Came with you guys."

Sakura burst out. "How can you understand Sasuke like that?"

Naru sighed. "I told you. I speak emo."

"Hn." (Finally, someone I can talk to.)

Team Gai showed up at that moment.

Tenten smirked and made a peace sign at them. "Wassup, bitches?"

Neji pointed at Sasuke and Sai. 'Neji will defeat you! Neji is a good boy!"

"And suddenly I feel like I'm back in Amegakure."

"Hn." (Hn.)

A green blur appeared in front of Sakura. "YOSH! I am Rock Lee, Konoha's handsome devil!"

"Oh…crap."

"Hn." (Somebody get him away from here!)

"Sakura-chan, I shall protect you with my life! Will you go out with me?"

"Sure."

"Really?"

"F*CK NO!"

"Your language is most unyouthful! I shall do 500 laps around Konoha to regain my springtime of youth!"

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" A red fox with nine tails appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Yes, Lady Ghost?"

"…"

The fox started laughing. "Oh, man, that was priceless." She howled. "Lady Ghost. Ha!"

The fox looked at Neji and grinned. "Does Neji know who I am?"

"It is not part of Neji's fate to care."

The fox sighed and vanished, only to reappear behind Lee.

"Pathetic mortal fool. Your behavior and attire is harder to tolerate then the Shinigami."

Lee perked up. "YOSH! I must meet this Shinigami. He sounds like a worthy opponent."

"Believe me, you meeting him would be the best thing ever to happen to the rest of us."

At that moment, Team 8 joined them.

"Oh yeah!" Kiba yelled. "Wassup, fellow teams, let's aim for our dreams! This exam will be a blast, set the sail and raise the mast!"

"W…T…F?"

"Rapping he likes." Shino informed the others. "Loud and annoying it can get."

Naru raised an eyebrow and turned to Hinata. "So…he rehearsed this?"

"Y-y-y-y-es. H-h-h-h-e d-d-d-id." Hinata replied quietly.

Shino nodded sagely. "Shy and timid she is. A kunoichi's strength must she awaken."

Naru looked around. "Ok, we got eyebrow, fate-boy, hn-man, fangirl #useless, stutter bug, normal bug, rapper, root-boy, and twenty. Where are fat-ass, fangirl #pathetic, and my boyfriend?"

"DON'T CALL ME FAT…oh wait, it's you. Yes, I'm fat."

Shikamaru and Ino walked up behind Choji. "Troublesome." Shikamaru muttered, kissing Naru on the cheek.

Sakura looked around. "Maybe we should go to the third floor now? I mean, that's where the exam is."

Naru looked at the Genjutsu-free room behind them. "Where the hell are Izumo and Kotetsu anyway? They were supposed to weed out the idiots before the exam."

_By Konoha's gate:_

Izumo leaned back in his chair. "Oh man, this is the life, no cares, no worries, no trouble…"

A guy in a black cloak with red clouds walked up to them. "Hi, I'm Itachi Uchiha."

Izumo's chair fell over backwards, knocking both him and Kotetsu out.

"Aw crap." Itachi sighed. "Now I can't get in because those two have to sign me in on the visitors' roster. I'll just come back in six weeks then." And he walked away.

Izumo tilted his head slightly. "Did he buy it?"

"Hn." (No.)

"Crap."

_Academy third floor:_

A guy in glasses walked up to the rookies and Naru. "You guys shouldn't be so loud. You're attracting attention to yourselves."

Naru looked around the empty room. As she watched, a gust of wind sent a tumbleweed flying across her vision.

"Dude, there's no one else here except us and the Sound and Sand teams. Cole Martin eliminated all the random extras from this story."

Kabuto nodded and pulled out an envelope. "Oh, that reminds me. Some guy asked me to give you this letter if you mentioned Cole."

Naru took the letter and opened it. Inside it read: YOU'RE BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, DAMMIT!

Naru screamed. "I'll get you yet, Asuma-sensei! Mark my words!"

_Hokage's office:_

"Asuma, you are so screwed."

_Academy third floor:_

Naru gave an appreciative smile to the Sand team. "Nice job on the scenery though, Temari, Gaara."

"Hey, what about me?" the cat-boy complained.

"Kankuro, shut up or I'll kill you."

"I REALLY feel like I'm back home in Ame."

"Hn." (I should come visit someday.)

Naru looked around the still empty room. "I still wonder what happened to Izumo and Kotetsu."

_By Konoha's gate:_

"So Yuugao and Hayate started dating?" Itachi inquired, taking a sip of sake. "What about Naru? She dating someone yet?"

"Shikamaru Nara."

Itachi sprayed his sake all over Kotetsu.

_Academy third floor:_

Ibiki appeared in a puff of smoke and looked around at the distinct lack of Chunin who were supposed to appear with him.

"This is the last time I ever use Chunin for this. Next time I'm making Shadow Clones."

He then looked at the Genin. "Ah, but this small number of morons I can handle myself anyway. All right, sit wherever you want. I'll hand out the written tests in a minute."

Standing off to one side, Naru was thinking. _I wonder what Izumo and Kotetsu are doing right now._

_By Konoha's gate:_

"Well, it was fun catching up with you guys." Itachi commented, waving back at the two guards. They smiled after him.

"Man, what a great guy." Izumo commented.

Kotetsu nodded. "But now that he's gone, we can go back to chilling out. Just sitting back, watching the clouds like a Nara, thinking about getting laid like Sai…"

A guy with blue skin and an overall shark-like look appeared before them. "Hi, have you seen my partner anywhere?"

Kotetsu screamed.

_Academy exam room:_

Ibiki headed back to the front of the room after handing out the tests. "Alright, the test has nine questions yadda yadda yadda, the tenth will be handed out later yadda yadda yadda, this is a teamwork test yadda yadda yadda, if you get cheating five times you get a zero."

"Hn." (I'm walking on sunshine, woo hoo. I'm walking on sunshine, woo hoo. I'm walking on sunshine, woo hoo, and I like to feel good.)

Ibiki scowled at the Genin. "Begin!"


	10. First Test

Author's note: …I really can't think of anything to write here right now. (Smiley face).

Nero Strauss: Glad to help out. Thanks for enjoying my story.

Gabyxx21: Well, here's the continuation now. Hope you still like it.

Mattcun: Thanks, that's nice to know.

Edwardphan4ever: LOL, so true! (Gets hypnotized) Must…learn…emo…

Thanks to you all for reviewing!

Warnings: Powerful, dark, female Naruto (Naru).

Prepare yourself, Leaf Village…Chapter 9!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. That's a shame.

Chapter 9: To the Forest of Death!

_10 minutes later:_

At the back of the room, Naru was…well, bored. So bored, in fact, that she was repeating her favorite word over and over again for ten minutes now, and it was slowly driving everyone crazy.

"Shatter."

Well, that and Kiba's rapping.

"What is up with this test, to answer these problems is a quest, number ten seems to be missing, time to do some good ass-kissing."

Seriously.

"Shatter."

Ibiki sighed. "Yeah, the idiot Chuunin forgot to write question ten on the test, so it didn't print out. Because of that, I'll ask it personally at the end of the exam."

"R-r-r-really?"

Ok, so some weren't as confident as others.

"Shatter."

"Sigh…hn." (Shatter…hey, that does sound cool.)

"What did Sasuke-kun say now?"

Ibiki threw a kunai at Sakura's paper.

"Let's see…you lose two points for having pink hair, two points for saying 'Sasuke-kun', two points for being a bitch, and two points because I said so."

"But…"

"Sakura, shut up…oh, and hn." (Shatter…ha ha, this is fun.)

"Shatter."

"Naru, SHUT UP!"

"Watch it, Ibiki. I can kick your ass easily."

Ibiki sighed. "Yes, Naru-sama."

"Thank you. Now...shatter!"

Somewhere a sound of a vase smashing was heard.

"There!" The Sandaime yelled from outside. "I shattered something. Now will you shut up, Naru? Please?"

"Sigh…fine."

"Thank you."

"Shatter." Naru whispered. Kiba burst out laughing.

"Of hers this habit curious is. Powers of annoyance does she possess."

"Shino, shut up or I'll kill you."

Kankuro nodded. "The brave bug is no match for the raccoon in direct confrontations. The raccoon realizes that the bug is weaker, and proceeds to exploit that weakness. The bug has no choice but to flee."

"Huh?"

"He watches too many nature programs." Temari explained.

"Quite a freak that Gaara is, with all that crazy sand of his. Face him I would rather not, surely I'd pee in my cot."

"Oh, right." Naru lit up. "This story suffers from Naruto Quirk Mix-up-gitis. I think Kiba is Kirabi."

"I wonder who Kirabi is then."

_Kumogakure:_

"YOSH! I will do 500 laps around Kumo to restore my flames of youth."

"OH GOD, NO!"

_Konohagakure:_

"Shatter."

"ARGH!" Ibiki screamed. "I can't take it anymore!"

"Shatter."

"Yes! My sanity is shattered. Naru-sama, please…please let me end this exam already. Better yet, end it yourself. I need to see Inoichi. For therapy."

Naru nodded. "Sure."

Naru faced the class. "Ok, tenth question time. And here it comes…"

…

…

…

"Naru-sensei?"

"Zzzz…huh? Wha…? Oh. Right. The tenth question is: Do you want…to pass…this test?"

Seeing the group's collective nods Naru smiled. "You all would have passed anyway. Too little people here for mind games."

A ball burst through the window and a banner unfurled.

"The Sexy and Awesome Anko Mitarashi." Choji read.

Ino looked around. "So…where is she?"

A purple-haired woman walked in panting through the shattered window.

"Uh…oof…pant…stupid short-fuse cannon…no warning at all…had to race after this thing…hey, where's Ibiki?"

Naru smirked. "He lost mind games to a bunch of Genin."

"And to you."

"And to me."

Anko smiled. "That's awesome, Naru!"

"Yeah…about the second exam…there is no second exam this time."

Anko scowled. "Huh? Why?"

"Only 18 people here. Hell, we can go directly to preliminaries for the final round!"

"No way!" Anko shook her head. "Cole Martin is behind this! COLE! Get your ass down here!"

The gathered Genin blanched as a blond teenager wearing glasses appeared out of nowhere."

"Cole-sama." Naru intoned as she and all the Genin knelt in front of him.

The boy frowned. "What's going on here, Anko?"

"I want my second exam. I prepared the cannon and everything."

"No."

"But I…"

"Sigh…Anko, I said no. Now get out of here before I make you have sex with Gai."

Anko paled and jumped out the window.

Cole turned to Naru. "You're proctoring the third exam. Have fun." And he vanished.

Asuma rushed into the room. "My Cole Martin senses are tingling!"

Everyone gathered stared at him weirdly.

"What?"

"That was...incredibly gay."

Asuma waved it off. "Anyway, Cole Martin was here, I just know it! Where is he now?"

He grabbed Kankuro by his catsuit. "Tell me!"

Naru winced at the deranged look in Asuma's eye. "Maybe we should stop breaking the fourth wall for a while, at least until Asuma gets better.

Everyone nodded in agreement. "Maybe we should."

Gaara's face lit up. "On to the fighting then! Come on, let's go!"

_Meanwhile, in the Forest of Death:_

"WHERE THE F*CK IS EVERYBODY?"

"I DON'T KNOW, OROCHIMARU-SAMA!"

"KABUTO, WHY ARE WE YELLING?"

"HEY, YOU STARTED IT!"

Author's note: Finally updated! Sorry about the long delay, everyone. The next chapter to this will be out soon. To fans of "The Shadows See All", that will be out even sooner.


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